this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
