u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize