I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
