I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
