Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
