i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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