3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
