what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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