Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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