she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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