it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
