he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
