You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
