dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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