so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
