OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
