Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize