He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
