Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
