I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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