Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
