i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize