NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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