I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
