If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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