You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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