Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
