u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize