Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
