So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
