Christians are straight up FREAKS
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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