I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
