I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
