I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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