names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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