I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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