I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
