Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize