I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
