I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
