Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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