haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize