We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
