I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
