Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
