she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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