My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
