Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
