I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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