Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
