Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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