it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
