I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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