I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
