He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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