so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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