I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
