I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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