Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am mentally ready for anal.
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