I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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