I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
