Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
