I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
