The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
