I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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