we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
