Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
