A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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