Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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