and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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