I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
