dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
