This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
