...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
